Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Festival Aftermath

So the wine festival was pretty fun. Over 250 Virginia vineyards were represented. Virginia is really great with the white wines and I bought 4 great bottles at a reasonable price. Not that I’m a huge drinker, but I do like a glass of wine now and then after a long day of teaching prepubescent sixth graders.

As I predicted I was the only single person in our group. That part wasn’t really the most awesome thing to experience. I realize the universe has a plan and I have to be at peace with and accept whatever situation comes my way. There were two women there with their husbands who were quite chubby. It amazes me how married women will often let themselves go…I mean they let themselves get fat and dumpy. If my, or should I say WHEN my marital status ever changes, and I allow myself the blow up like a balloon I hope someone kicks my ass royally. Yes folks, I’m a bit vain and I quite like it that at age 44 I can turn a head or seven.

Being the only single woman in our group brought many thoughts to my head – like what is wrong with me? Why doesn’t the guy I want not want me back? I’m a really extraordinary person to be involved with. I have my own life, I’m not clingy, I’m cute as hell, smart as a whip, and pretty fucking great in bed. So what’s the flipping deal?

I know it’s NOT me…it’s HIM…and all that rot. According to HIM, he has too much on his plate right now dealing with his life, and there is no room for a relationship. But we were together for a year and I never seemed to get in the way. He has me meet his family, children, we go on vacation, then a year to the date from when we start dating he tells me, “Oh, I’m not so sure about this – good bye.” Who fucking does that?

Funny, I also have a plate that is filled with life things. That is what happens to an adult – stuff just comes up – job, bills, goals, you know stuff. The cool thing about being with him was that he was a periodic escape from my life. A friend where I could just “be,” and not worry about too much else. I never demanded anything from him, except for us to be totally in the moment and enjoy each other. I never looked at or talked about what would happen in the future with us because I knew that staying in the moment was what would keep us both sane.

Another funny thing is that I’m going to Spain for a month this summer, and one of the last things he said to me was that he “Wishes we could do Spain together.” What he doesn’t know is that I didn’t want him to go. One of the “things” on my plate is that I need to have this adventure on my own – without him. I wonder if he knew that, would it bum him out. I think it might. I’m not sure he would understand my need to experience something totally new, something that scares me a little, all by myself. More on doing things that scare me a little later. I kept wondering how I would tell him so it wouldn’t hurt his feelings. I guess it doesn’t matter now, does it? We emailed the other day and he asked me about the trip, was I still going and when? I told him I was going at the end of June and would be gone a month – there was no response back. I wonder what he thought or does he even give a shit? Again, I guess it doesn’t matter.

On a completely different note, I met with a realtor today. I think I am in a position to buy my first home. See, there’s more to me than just pining over some dude who doesn’t realize that I’m perfect for him. Just thought I should throw that in – in case you thought I was only one dimensional.

No comments:

Post a Comment