Saturday, January 15, 2011

Evil Stepmother?

It is that time of the year when I feel overwhelmed.  The cold weather seems like it will be here forever.  The school year is in full swing and the pressure of student performance hangs on my shoulders like an anvil. 

I've been trying to take all this in stride and not let it get to me.  Keep a happy face say, "yes," a lot.  Last night I said, "no," and selfishly shut the world and everyone else out. 

I think there are times women need to just be with themselves.  I am amazed how women with children do it.  How do they find that "alone time"?  Don't they crave it also?  Yesterday a friend of mine said, "It's hard when you have kids." 

My comment back, "That's why I don't have kids."  HARSH?  Maybe, but it is honest.  Probably  TOO honest.

The universe is constantly evolving and brings change when we least expect it.  The universe brought me a wonderful man who has become my partner in life.  I've never been engaged, now at age 46 I can actually say I am some one's fiancee, and that one day I will be called, "wife".  There's another label that I will be tagged my comment from the last paragraph.  Hey universe, I know you know best, but are you sure I can handle the STEPMOM thing?

My fiancee (I love saying that!) has a four year-old son.  He has fought a long, difficult, and costly battle to be a part of his son's life; and has been rewarded with the lovely gift of court-ordered time with his boy.  While I am truly happy for them both, last night I struggled with missing our weekends of "adult time".  After a very long week at school, all I wanted was to go out and be with ONLY my love, then wake up on Saturday to the luxury of slow, delicious love-making.    Hearing, "Daddy, it's daytime," at 6 am kind of puts the brakes on my little, yet delightful fantasy.

Yes, I know, an immature, selfish-bitch thing to write.  I'm the first to admit that I am, at times, solely focused on MYSELF...ugly truth.

How do married couples with children do it?  How do they keep that fiery romance, that spontaneity alive?  I cannot accept that it just...ENDS.

Ladies, any advise for a future STEPMOM?  Especially one who has never had children around after 3:00 pm?  I can hear the answer takes WORK, Gracie!  Quit complaining, man-up, and just may actually enjoy being some one's STEPMOM!


Two weeks after Christmas and as I watch the sun come up I'm feeling grateful for all the simple things that have brought me joy in the last year.

Yes, I'm feeling reflective, so if this isn't your bag, move on to the next blog I won't take it personally.

For the first time in my life I'm discovering happiness in people, places, and things that are...simply put, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.  Even more interesting: for the first time I'm not endlessly searching for happiness; I've just begun to notice things that have always been there and find joy right there in the moment.

A great start to the year?  Yes...I think it is that simple...