Summer. For a teacher this is the transition time. The end of one school year, a break, then preparing for another school year. Usually the end of the school year is filled with fun, laughter, and joy as the students move on...especially in my case as my 6th graders move on to middle school.
For me the last week of school was filled with emotion, confusion, and some shame. I'm usually emotional at the end of the school year, but this year I knew that I wouldn't be back at this school...and the students knew...we both reacted...I was emotional and they were little disrespectful assholes. Every chance they had they said something hateful or used curse words, or just did what they wanted, which made me be a bit mean to them...all got calmed down and by Thursday, the last day, we all were one big loving family.
There was some confusion for me as I didn't understand why my principal was such a nasty bitch to me. It was the last week, I'm leaving the school, couldn't she just be respectfully civil? I didn't get it, and quite frankly I didn't deserve it. Knowing that this is my principal's issue, I should've just ignored it. Well, I'm a child sometimes and this time I retaliated...I left on the last day without finishing cleaning my classroom. I knew this was wrong...this is where the shame comes in. I planned to come in the next morning to finish, but didn't tell anyone, I just left. Not exactly the best choice on my part.
My principal assumed I wasn't coming back, and began to discredit me to the other teachers. She then threatened to call my new principal and tell him that I didn't clean my classroom. Of course my principal never had the balls to speak to me directly, which would've been the adult thing to do...she talked behind my back and made it so that many of the other teachers at that school don't want to ever see me again. I understand I created this...I take responsibility...and went through beating myself up before I finally forgave myself...by the way I did come in the next day and finish cleaning my classroom.
I am very grateful that I don't have to go back to that school, and I'm very thankful for the things I've learned. I've learned about teaching, but I've also learned how to work within an elementary school...which can be so viciously scary for a "real" west coast girl like myself. But I'm ready to move on...SO READY!
Leaving for Spain on Thursday!