Monday, October 5, 2009

Not What I Thought....

Math...usually a subject that I have been very successful at teaching. Right now I am totally lost with the group of students in my classroom. I've shared before that the school I am at "flexible groups". That is a politically correct way to say they track students. My group is the lowest of all the 5th graders and I cannot figure out how to get them to learn the curriculum.

I am frustrated to the point of anger. Anger directed at myself because I do not know what to do. It is like I am talking to a box of rocks with these kids....and this is only the beginning of October.

The special education teacher I am co-teaching with says that we have to force them to memorize the concepts. I bite my tongue when she says these things reminding myself that this is her first year and no matter how much book learning she has done, she really has no clue about teaching.

A group like this doesn't memorize to learn...they really have to LEARN the stuff or it just ain't gonna stick. On top of that there are ONLY low students in this there is absolutely no peer tutoring, which in the past has helped the lower students I have worked with.

I sometimes wish I was like many teachers and just not give a shit about the students who are not getting what I am teaching...but I've tried that and it just isn't me....I do care...probably too much.

So here I am the beginning of October with a group of students who are not learning math. I have a co-teacher who doesn't bring a fucking thing to the table...she is too busy to come up with modifications that could possibly help the children learn, and she is entirely too busy to spend extra time teaching the students - like during their lunch time. So the modifications and accommodations are left to me...the extra time teaching is left to me...I know I sound resentful...sorry it is the mood I am in right now.

On top of that it is my birthday this weekend. I turn 45 and am not liking it. It isn't the getting older part. It is the feeling like things are not turning out the way I thought they would part. Work isn't what I thought it would be. My personal life is well...definitely not what I thought it would be. I keep thinking of my birthday last year...and that just makes me cry because I was truly happy then...and life is not turning out the way I thought...

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