Friday, November 20, 2009

Seriously....An Afterschool Special??

What brings different people together? This question has been swirling around my brains for the last few days.

I don't just mean why men and women feel a mutual attraction or why we choose the friends we have - it isn't that simple for me.

I know that many highly educated people have written about chemical reactions and hormones that wildly mix together to create attraction, but those reasons seem so clinical. My thoughts are much more personal - why do certain people come into my life? Why do my feelings for those in my life change?

When I think of all the people who have weaved their way into and out of my life I do realize that fate does play a certain role. I do believe that I have personally grown because of people who have come into my life - I take that as an unconditional gift from the universe.

What about those feelings that happen as a new relationship is starting? Is it just chemicals that make a person's heart race or stomach flutter at the sound of that new voice on the phone? That just seems so....sterile...

Or what about the new relationship that seems pleasantly easy, but those butterflies or only a flicker...does that mean it isn't supposed to happen? Or is it the universe's way of telling me to be patient -that life isn't always about instant gratification?

I understand that people grow and change over time - that's what makes us human. People connect in love or friendship for many reasons - same interests, attraction, fundemental beliefs and values. But what happens to long standing relationships when one person's belief system changes? Can the relationship survive?

I know these questions could be the premise of a cheesy afterschool special. Be that as it may, they are presently very real for me and I see a very significant "fork in the road". Each day I make choice that can potentially change the course of my future...a bit dramatic...but isn't life boring with out some drama?

I made a choice recently - a decision that I didn't think twice about - I mean I didn't decide to rob a bank, shoot herion, or hurt someone. We make choices about a million times a day, don't we? How quickly the tide can turn; and a simple choice changes the course of everything you've worked toward. Your life suddenly dissolves right in front of your eyes.

I have amazing angels in my corner - because the tide turned back - and my future and I are still standing...However the universe did kick my ass; and in one moment core beliefs changed and what was once right became very wrong.

Wrong in that as an adult, I know there is a time and place for everything. More significant is that my belief of what is the right time and place changed so completely.

The shock, excitement, fear, happiness, or anger at oneself that come with this realization can change relationships...especially for those who share in making such simple choices. We've all experienced those moments with people - when regardless of the type of relationship - things happen and the relationship changes...Or maybe is it just me who changes.

Change is good for the soul...that's what they say...right? I think the scary part is wondering if the other person will want to continue the relationship as my thoughts and beliefs change.

That moment...that second when the change happens can be so forceful that the ground shakes. Think about it, the moment you look at him and just know this is the person for you. Or the realization that the person standing in front of you will not be a part of your future. The dark reality of shared demons. How about the crushing understanding that a supposedly innocent choice can completely turn your life upside down?

It is when those moments happen without warning that profound change is on the way...ready or not here it comes...

All the change in my life the last year...the relationships...some have grown...others have just withered and died...Is it all fate...or does fate combine with our choices to direct the next part of the journey?

Ready or not....sheesh....

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