First Date....

Being a single woman of 44 years old, I've been out there in the dating world for a very long time now. As you can imagine, I've been on a multitude of "first dates". Last night I experienced another first date, and it is something I just have to share with you, my friends.

As I posted last week, I met Larry at the wine festival. I didn't really know if I was attracted to Larry. I mean with some men I'm immediately drawn to them from the second we meet...this was not the case with Larry. But I haven't been on a date here in the United States since I quit seeing HIM and it is definitely time I make myself available out there in the universe.

Larry called me during the week, calling me by the wrong name...he used a nickname that I never use because I hate being called by that nickname. I let that go, and agreed to meet him at a restaurant near my house.

For a woman the whole ritual of getting ready for a date is something I've always enjoyed. Not to sound conceited, but I am a pretty cute girl...some would even say I am pretty. So as I put on make-up, did my hair, and chose a sexy, but not too sexy outfit, I was in a pretty good head space...Selfishly I've always gone through this ritual more for myself and how it makes me feel rather than worrying about what the guy will think.

I meet Larry in the restaurant bar. I look at him and I notice that his jeans have been hemmed to the ankle straight legged style and he is wearing flip-flops. OK...this is so superficial, but come on, it is Saturday night, we are at a nice restaurant, and this dude made the choice to show me the most unattractive part of a man's body - his hairy feet and toes. My gay husband would've left right then - I just didn't look down for the rest of the night.

Larry has already been drinking wine, explaining to me that he hasn't been out on a date in 14 years and is a little nervous - he's divorced. Not a big deal, right? However, I can tell he's been sitting there drinking for a while - a big turn off in my book.

I am pretty good at the first date talk. Sharing just enough so the other person gets to know me, but not revealing too much - no one wants to hear about baggage on a first date, right? Larry didn't get that memo. He proceeds to tell me that he is the youngest of 8 children, but that six of his siblings are now dead. I'm not sure if he's looking for sympathy, but then he tells me that his family name will die with him as he is unable to conceive children....so far entirely too much information on a first date!

By now Larry has had four glasses of wine to my 1 1/2. and we've only been sitting there for about an hour. Growing up with an alcoholic father, my brain is screaming, "danger, danger". On top of the drinking, each time Larry orders another drink he snaps his fingers at the bartender in order to get his attention - if I was Susie, the bartender, I would've spit in his wine.

As Larry continues to unload all his family secrets, I'm informed that he comes from a very old family dating back to the Mayflower, is related to Robert E. Lee, among other war heroes, and he grew up in a haunted house built in the 1700's. Oh and of course he has a lot of money. I have found that when people talk about themselves this much on a first date, very little of it is true.

Just when I think I have heard everything, Larry tells me that three of his dead siblings died from alcohol, and one from a drug overdose. He tells me that he comes from a long line of alcoholics, but he didn't get that gene because he doesn't have to drink....he's just ordered his sixth glass of wine. Oh....we haven't even ordered dinner yet! Starving, I ask Larry if we can eat...

After we eat - I had the sea bass, which was amazing - I begin to plan out my exit. I didn't know what time it was, but I was done listening to Larry unload every piece of dirty laundry that he's been keeping in the dark trenches of his mind. He also felt this was the time for us to make plans - like going on vacation together...I almost RAN right then. After what I think is an appropriate 10 minutes after they have cleared our plates, I tell Larry that it is time for me to go.

Larry walks me to my car, I thank him for dinner, give him a peck on the lips. He tells me that he is going back in for another glass of wine. He asks if I want to go out again. I smile and tell him to give me a call, leaving Larry standing in the rain in his ankel jeans and flip-flops....I will be screening my calls for the next week....sorry dude, but if you are looking to get laid anytime soon I would rethink how you approach a first date.

As for me...I'm ready for my next first date!

Leaving the gloom of Somo was extremely nice. For a surfing town I was so suprised at the atmosphere. It is like the people's bodies have been invaded by sad body snatchers who are determined to suck the life out of everything and everyone around them. The one bright spot was chatting up two surfer boys from Holland. Sven and Olaf were just as disallusioned with Somo as I was.

After leaving Somo I spent one night in a small fishing village called San Vicente de la Barquera, which was a complete turn around. People were actually alive and smiled just for the sake of smiling, which was a breath of fresh air.

I had to take two buses to arrive at my next stop, the town of Cagnas de Onis in the Picos de Europas. This is a lovely little village in the mountains. There are many excursions I can go on such as floating down the Sella River in a canoe and going on a hiking trip. The thing that scares me the most is the canoe trip, which is what I'm planning to do tomorrow. This should be an adventure as I'm not the best swimmer in the world. Thank God they will provide me with a life jacket.

On the bus ride here I kept thinking to myself what is it that I'm doing out here in Spain all by myself. What is it that I'm hoping to discover? I've traveled alone before...hell - I'm alone most of the time in my life in Virginia. I am trying to really focus on keeping myself in the moment...whether the moment is thrilling or challenging, but I'm questioning what is it that I'm supposed to do out here. I know there is something, and I guess two weeks into this trip I've become a bit impatient.

I know what I'm hoping will happen. I'm hoping that my life in Virginia will change. That I won't be alone so much. That maybe I'll make some friends that I will hang out with - you know like go to the movies or go for dinner, that type of stuff. Do I want to find love? Of course, that would be wonderful. Fuck, that sounds so clique - I want a boyfriend - whine, whine, whine, blah, blah, blah. There's more than that, though. I don't want to be like so many women I know...middle aged and ALONE...isn't it time? Haven't paid enough dues to earn campanionship? Sheesh...come on...

A friend of mine says I will be back in California, that I should focus on getting myself there. I think he is wrong. If I go to California all will be the same, I must deal with what I need to deal with in Virginia before I can truly move forward in my life. This I know for sure.

For now, I'm going on a canoe down a river tomorrow and the next day I will go on some crazy hiking trip...this is truly staying in the moment...a donde la supermercado? I'm hungry!

Festival Aftermath

So the wine festival was pretty fun. Over 250 Virginia vineyards were represented. Virginia is really great with the white wines and I bought 4 great bottles at a reasonable price. Not that I’m a huge drinker, but I do like a glass of wine now and then after a long day of teaching prepubescent sixth graders.

As I predicted I was the only single person in our group. That part wasn’t really the most awesome thing to experience. I realize the universe has a plan and I have to be at peace with and accept whatever situation comes my way. There were two women there with their husbands who were quite chubby. It amazes me how married women will often let themselves go…I mean they let themselves get fat and dumpy. If my, or should I say WHEN my marital status ever changes, and I allow myself the blow up like a balloon I hope someone kicks my ass royally. Yes folks, I’m a bit vain and I quite like it that at age 44 I can turn a head or seven.

Being the only single woman in our group brought many thoughts to my head – like what is wrong with me? Why doesn’t the guy I want not want me back? I’m a really extraordinary person to be involved with. I have my own life, I’m not clingy, I’m cute as hell, smart as a whip, and pretty fucking great in bed. So what’s the flipping deal?

I know it’s NOT me…it’s HIM…and all that rot. According to HIM, he has too much on his plate right now dealing with his life, and there is no room for a relationship. But we were together for a year and I never seemed to get in the way. He has me meet his family, children, we go on vacation, then a year to the date from when we start dating he tells me, “Oh, I’m not so sure about this – good bye.” Who fucking does that?

Funny, I also have a plate that is filled with life things. That is what happens to an adult – stuff just comes up – job, bills, goals, you know stuff. The cool thing about being with him was that he was a periodic escape from my life. A friend where I could just “be,” and not worry about too much else. I never demanded anything from him, except for us to be totally in the moment and enjoy each other. I never looked at or talked about what would happen in the future with us because I knew that staying in the moment was what would keep us both sane.

Another funny thing is that I’m going to Spain for a month this summer, and one of the last things he said to me was that he “Wishes we could do Spain together.” What he doesn’t know is that I didn’t want him to go. One of the “things” on my plate is that I need to have this adventure on my own – without him. I wonder if he knew that, would it bum him out. I think it might. I’m not sure he would understand my need to experience something totally new, something that scares me a little, all by myself. More on doing things that scare me a little later. I kept wondering how I would tell him so it wouldn’t hurt his feelings. I guess it doesn’t matter now, does it? We emailed the other day and he asked me about the trip, was I still going and when? I told him I was going at the end of June and would be gone a month – there was no response back. I wonder what he thought or does he even give a shit? Again, I guess it doesn’t matter.

On a completely different note, I met with a realtor today. I think I am in a position to buy my first home. See, there’s more to me than just pining over some dude who doesn’t realize that I’m perfect for him. Just thought I should throw that in – in case you thought I was only one dimensional.