Isn't FHA Supposed to be A Good Thing?

I wish I knew how to say, "Are you freaking kidding me?" in Spanish. I wonder if the effect is the same after the translation?

So I didn't get the house that I mentioned in my last post. The bank took another offer. This is the sixth offer I've made on a house! What is the deal here? I made a really good offer, $17,000 over asking price, asked for $5,000 in closing...a good offer...even the LISTING agent said it looked like I had the best offer. But no...apparently they were just...joking.

The listing agent said it was because I was going to go for an FHA loan. First time home buyer thing, you know? She said the seller wasn't sure the property would qualify. My first question is why have five of the nine homes sold in the same condo complex been sold to first time home buyers through FHA??? Why didn't my real estate agent ask that right away?

The seller is a bank...so banks look at the bottom line, that is why I bid so much over the asking price. I thought that was the smart thing to do (I've learned somethings in placing six previous offers). I did exactly what they asked me to do, even rushing around Saturday night signing an extra form for the seller AND getting pre-qualified through their bank....then they turn around and say NO to me?

It just pisses me off this is just wrong. I've sent my agent on a mission to find out why? What is their deal? I hope I get to talk to the bank guy who said no. My agent is afraid to be confrontational...he just accepts things....I let him know tonight that I didn't like that...not sure I will have this guy as my agent much longer. He doesn't have to be a pushy asshole, but I want him to go in and ask questions, fight with a smile for me...without me telling him what to do.

Every other offer I've been like, "OK...universe you know best...you'll lead me to the right direction." This time I am truly pissed off. Not at the universe, but at the bank people, the listing agent, and my agent. None of them realize how personal buying a home is...especially when you plan to live there. To them it is just another name on a paper they've said, "no" to...the listing agent made a sale and the bank sold the property. My agent, well he has other clients, I guess. I think that is what pisses me off the most....these people are not seeing me as human...I'm just this faceless name on a paper in front of them....it's just wrong!! I think I deserve to be treated like a human being even in a business transaction.

As far as the universe goes...I know you are leading me in the right direction...things are peaceful right now..thank you for that...but can you give me a clue...what am I missing here?

Just Surrender...

Thinking about my new life that I'm walking towards I am realizing that there is a word that must now be included in my vocabulary: surrender. My way has always been to work, fight, or push my way into getting what I want. Now I am finding, much to my discomfort, that fighting and pushing is not going to get me where I want to be.

Just surrender. That is what the voice in my head keeps telling me...just surrender, Gracie. Have faith that you will find the contentment and peace you are looking for. I am all for faith and for listening to that inner voice. So why am I having such a rough time coming to terms with this just surrender concept?

This started when I found a condo I wanted to buy. I put an offer in all seemed good. Then, I find out that there are all these obstacles: the seller wants to wait to approve, it is in short sale so I need to wait for the seller's bank to give an approval, my agent doesn't want to push the listing agent. All the while I'm thinking to myself, "Hey people, I made the decision to buy a place, this is part of the plan of my life...will you just make it WORK OUT for flips sake?"

So woman makes plans and God laughs. I've heard this a million times over...nice joke...thanks. Now what? That voice again, "Just surrender..." The old Gracie wants to fight kicking and screaming...the new Gracie knows this will only bring sadness and stress. But the old Gracie is screaming at me, "Only WIMPS surrender...you are no WIMP!"

I know that there is strength to be found in surrendering. I just cannot see it yet. I think that is what is troubling me most. I cannot see what is on the other side. I KNOW this is where the faith comes in...knowing that the other side will be wonderful. Can't I just get a peek? Come on what do you say?

All this is making me very closed off. I do not want to talk to anyone. I definitely do not want to go look at more houses with my real estate agent. Just the desperate look on his face and his voice telling me that condo X is a great place...it doesn't matter that you can get mugged as you're going home or that you have to go to the basement to share a community laundry room, it's perfect for you, Gracie...I just cannot do this anymore.

Buying or not buying my own place is just a catalyst or a crossroads or a fork in the road, maybe even a test. The important thing is how I handle this situation will determine how my new life will proceed. I do not know how I know this...I just know. I am not sure how to just surrender. I want to think it doesn't mean to just give up...because even the new Gracie is not a quitter.

I'm sitting here and I realize that I am totally and completely afraid to just let go and surrender. The thought of just going on faith at this time is terrifying me...So much so that I have stopped momentarily and that is even more scary...this is a problem...

I am a person of solutions...there's a problem I want to immediately find a solution and put it into action. Trouble is I cannot exactly find a solution...I know just surrender...but what does that mean? Once I figure that out I'll let you know....

I'm Hating Being a New Home Buyer

So I didn't get the condo I bid on this weekend. I know I shouldn't have gotten myself emotionally attached to this place, but I did...that's just what I do. I sometimes foolishly put my heart into things...and quite often I get my heart stomped on. Usually it's someone I'm romantically involved with doing the stomping...this time it's a cold hearted listing agent and and even colder seller...Freddie Mac.

I'm not sure if I have the stomach for this home buying process. I find the PERFECT place and then someone else offers more money and I'm left out in the cold with nothing but tears to fill my evening.

Since January I have had my heart literally crushed over and over again. First, the person I loved more than I've ever loved anyone just up and decides that we are not going to be together. At the same time the principal at my school decides that I'm her next victim and repeatedly writes me up for reasons fabricated in her mind and I can do nothing but take it up the ass. Now, just when I'm getting past all that, I can't seem to get a seller to sell me a home in a neighborhood where I won't get mugged or raped going to my door.

I don't want a lot in life. I don't need extravagant things. Just a place to call my own, a job at a school I love, and someone to share my life with. That's not a lot to ask. I'm a good person. I don't fuck people over, I don't waste my money, I pay my bills on time, and I try my best to be kind to everyone...so why does it seem that all I do is bang my head against a wall only to be disappointed again and again. I feel like such a loser...did I do something really horrible in a past life that I'm paying for now??

I leave for Spain next week. I should be excited, but I'm not. I'm actually scared that I'm making the wrong choice and that I should safely stay in my apartment all summer long. If I did that I would be even more miserable. So off I will go trying to heal my heart that has yet again been trampled on.

What really sucks is that the only person I want to call right now is the person who probably wouldn't even talk to me, which would tear me up even more. I can imagine the conversation now. Me emotionally trying to connect with him and he doing everything he can to not connect...a match made in heaven.

The books tell me that a woman of my age questions everything and often wonders if she had made the right decisions. I'm asking myself that right now. My perimenapausal hormones are fucking with me yet again. I surely didn't think that I'd be ALONE at age 44, buying my first home, and starting brand new at a school that I'm desperately hoping the administration will like me not only as a teacher, but as a person.

People tell me I'm tough, that I can handle anything given to me...well I don't feel so tough right now. Right now I feel weak and sad, and very alone....Good Times!

Home Buying Highs

So this finding a home to buy has been an interesting experience. I found one place and even put an offer in. The entire process was so unbelievably emotional I cried for two days and had no sleep. I never imagined that my emotions would go so nutty. It wasn't like I was attached to the place...I was just really SCARED! Buying a home is a HUGE commitment and honestly I never thought I would be doing this on my own.

After putting in the offer I waited, and finally found out today that the seller accepted another buyer. This flood of relief filled my entire being. Not because I didn't want the place, but because I found another place that I liked better and was such a better situation for me and my life style.

The economy being what it is, I found a foreclosure owned by Freddie Mac. A two bedroom condo that was surprisingly in good condition. When I looked this morning the placed desperately needed paint and new carpet. OK...fine...I can do that. Not even four hours later I am out running errands and I decide to drive buy the condo. There's a guy doing work inside so I go in...the place has been painted, new carpet layed, and new hardwood floors going in the living and dining room. The universe just gave me a tremendous gift...for that I am eternally grateful...I've been a very good girl!

My realtor spoke with the listing agent and no one else has expressed interest...the price is about $30,000 less than the comps for the area...again...thank you UNIVERSE!!! On top of everything, my payment is about $200 less than my current rent! So with NO FEAR I've put in an offer...this time there's no emotion...ok some excitement...but no tears...my gut tells me this is the right thing to do and that this place is so mine!

I'm still on my own in this decision. I do wish I had someone to go look with me and give me opinions, but being by myself is my reality right now. Maybe this is how it is supposed to be.

So now is the waiting game, then the inspection. The place is sold "as is" since it's a foreclosure. So will be holding my breath for a couple days. The adventure continues.

I'm Now a Property Virgin...Who Would've Thought?

The American dream is to be a homeowner, isn't it? A place to call your own where you can paint, have a pet, and deduct interest off of your taxes. Yep...the American dream. Well at age 44 I'm about to embark on an adventure of a lifetime.

If you knew me, you would know that actually settling down for a minute and buying a place is not only an adventure, it is probably one of the most "grown-up" things I've ever done. I've always had it in the back of my head that I could be such a grown-up, but my life has had so many ups and downs, both personally and financially that the reality of being "homeowner" has stayed well...in the back of my head.

Last Friday I got pre-approved for a mortgage. This means that I'm able to go and look for a place to buy. With euphoric enthusiam I armed myself with a competent real estate agent. I had already begun looking at listings on the Internet. My realtor sent me some addresses and on Saturday I did some drive-bys. Then reality set in. The affordable places I saw were well...in the most yucky, gross, and dark parts of town.

There were a couple places that didn't seem SO terribly bad so I asked my realtor to set up appointments so I could see the inside. My realtor informed me that these places already had contracts and were only accepting "back-up contracts." Are you kidding me???

In addition to the prospect of living in the ghetto, I found out today that I am not able to access my retirement funds. See, being a teacher I have to actually wait until I retire or quit to get money from my retirement accounts. I needed this money for the down payment. Of course I would payback the money with the $8,000 tax credit being provided by the federal government. In a perfect world the shitty economy can work in my favor...or so I thought...or should I say I MUST BELIEVE THIS TO BE TRUE.

I don't know why I thought this would be easy. So now the challenge is to find the perfect place at the perfect price, and to figure out how to get a down payment together. Right now I am feeling a bit discouraged...why can't this just be EASY???

Who am I kidding? Nothing worth while is ever easy...at least in my world it isn't. There's always lessons to learn. Intellectually I know this, but it doesn't help my feelings of frustration...and I've just started the process. The universe never gives us anything we cannot handle...I need to remember this.

There's just so much. The mortgage process alone is so confusing. My sister is a mortgage broker in another state and she's been coaching me. I appreciate this, however, I really don't understand many of the things she's talking about. Like her telling me the mortgage broker is charging me too much. What does that mean? How do I fucking know what these people charge...I know, Gracie, don't be an idiot...ask a million questions...that's what these people are there for. Mortgage brokers and realtors are making money because of me...I do have a right to ask as many questions as necessary...and I deserve to get as many answers as it takes until I understand the process completely.

Tomorrow the realtor and I are going to actually look at some homes for sale. My realtor wants me to be under contract before I go to Spain at the end of the month. In a perfect world I will find a place, put in a contract, go to Spain, and close when I get back at the end of July...LOL...My world isn't always perfect, but I guess that's half the fun...